i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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