At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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