Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I looked at my own cervix.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
