im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
