You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
