It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
