We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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