I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
