I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She is in my trunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
