Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
