Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
