the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
