dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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