There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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