hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
