can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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