You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
