I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
