I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
