Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
