Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
