The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
