just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
