I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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