2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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