I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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