This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
