Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
