Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
