Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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