How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
