im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
