Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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