So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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