Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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