I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
