Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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