Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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