no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
