this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
