Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
