you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
