woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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