You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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