so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
