drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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