you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
