I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
