mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
