why didn't you poke me back
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
