covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
