it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
