We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
