i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
